I was married for 9 years before I separated from my husband. We were together for over 2 years before we tied the knot, too. When we separated, I realised that my confidence was at an all time low. So I had some work to do, before I could even consider getting back into dating. With that in mind, today I am sharing some tips on building yourself back up following divorce. Read on to find out what worked for me.
Building Yourself Back Up Following Divorce
It’s no secret that splitting up from a long term partner can leave you feeling lost. That’s exactly how I felt when I was no longer part of a couple. It felt so strange, not needing to think about anyone else when planning my child – free time. (That was strange too… A definite bonus to separation was suddenly having a bit more time to myself each fortnight).
*This is a partnered post
Decide What You Want To Change
To begin with, I had no self confidence at all. I realised very quickly that a big part of that was my size, so I set about changing that. Within 2 months, I had lost 1.5 stone, and dropped a dress size. I quickly began to feel a little more comfortable in my skin, and began considering free dating sites as a way to meet people, and boost my confidence. Loneliness was still a big issue though.
Finding New Hobbies
One thing I struggled with was finding new things to do in the evenings and during my free time. I was refurbishing my new house, so any child free time could easily be filled with that. However, the evenings were particularly lonely. Once the kids were in bed, I was constantly bored and lonely. It took all of my willpower to keep out of the treat cupboard and undo my weight loss.
Within 3 months of my marriage ending, I was down 2.5 stone and 2 dress sizes. My confidence was increasing bit by bit, day by day. So when a friend suggested signing up for matchmehappy.co.uk I decided to give it a go. To begin with, I felt so awkward taking selfies to post to my profile, but I soon got used to it. Before long, I was chatting to a couple of local men, and had a date lined up for my next child free weekend.
First Date Nerves
That first date was awful. Not because the man was hideous, just because I hadn’t been on a date in 12 years. I felt so self conscious and nervous the entire time. In between filling every silence with talk of the weather, kids and work, we somehow managed to eat a meal.
By the end of the date, I was definitely feeling more relaxed, and came clean to my date about how nervous I’d been. He laughed and said he could tell, but he still had fun. Despite that, I decided not to see him again, as I just hadn’t felt that spark. So I didn’t want to lead him on.
What I Learnt
One thing I took away from that disastrous first date was that I need to feel comfortable in my own skin before I can be open to a full relationship. That means you can go on plenty of dates, while building yourself back up following divorce though, right?