10 Great Tips For Talking To Your Children About Divorce

Talking to your children about divorce is a moment that many separating parents dread. Not only does discussing your divorce with your children open up the doors for some difficult emotional discussions, but it also often cements the fact that you’re getting divorced and makes it ‘real’ for everyone involved.

For these reasons and many more, it can be difficult to bring up the subject of divorce, especially if you have young children. However, with that being said, it is also your duty as a parent to ensure that your children are able to discuss their concerns and speak freely about their emotions during this tough time. 

General Tips for Discussing Divorce with your Children

Discussing divorce with your children is no easy feat, especially when younger children are involved. Here are a few general tips for how to discuss your divorce with your children.

Are you wondering how to go about talking to your children about divorce?

• Ensure you are actively listening to your children’s worries and concerns. Be sure to answer honestly, providing age-appropriate responses.
• Try to avoid playing the blame game or mentioning unnecessary details, such as affairs.
• Make sure to reassure your children, no matter how old they are. Children need to know that your separation is not their fault and that both parties still love and care for the kids.
• Go through the details of your conversation once more to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your children understand with certainty what’s happening. 

Top Tips for Discussing Divorce With Young Kids

Younger children are far more likely to react emotionally upon hearing the news of their parents’ divorce. It’s likely they’ll experience a lot of ups and downs during the separation process, and they may feel like they have to ‘pick a side’. It’s natural for younger children to feel this way, however as upsetting as it is for your children, the subject of your divorce will be unavoidable.

Practice healthy communication and allow your children to voice all their fears and concerns, no matter how small and insignificant they may feel in your head. If you are discussing divorce with young children, remember that these are little people dealing with big, adult issues. Be sure to emotionally reassure your children and remind them that they are loved and cared for, no matter what. 

When Discussing Divorce with Young Kids, Make Sure to:

• Allow children to speak their fears and anxieties openly without judgment.
• Expect that younger children may be confused – they may not have picked up on any social queues during your separation, which means a divorce could come as a complete surprise to them. 
• Reassure your children that they’re loved and supported by both parents, no matter what. Reiterate the point that the children do not need to choose between their parents.

Do you need tips on discussing divorce with young kids?

Extra Tips to Help you Talk About Your Divorce With Your Young Children

• Conversations are likely to be quite long, and younger children may not be used to this. Give younger kids something to do whilst listening, such as colouring in. This will help them to stay present during the conversation more easily.
• If a small distraction isn’t helping, try breaking your talks up into bite-size chunks. This will help younger children to understand more easily and become less overwhelmed. 
•  Always make sure that when you end each bitesize conversation, your child has understood what was talked about.
• Don’t speak badly of your child’s other parent as this can cause resentment and other emotions that younger children may not be able to deal with just yet.
• Let your children know that whatever emotions they’re feeling are normal and that it’s okay to feel them.

Tips for Talking to Teenagers About Divorce

We all know that during the teenage years, kids have a lot going on. Teens have a lot of pressure on their shoulders these days and there are often high expectations from home, friends, and school. In addition to this, puberty and other challenges can affect their lives daily, therefore, coping with the news of their parent’s divorce may come as a struggle for many teenagers, so it’s important that you find time for talking to teenagers about divorce. 

Are you wondering how to approach talking to teenagers about divorce?

Many teenagers can find it difficult to express their emotions, so be patient and allow your teen to come to you with questions and worries when they’re ready. It’s important to stay honest with your teenager and prepare yourself for the questions they’re likely to seek answers to, regarding your divorce. Honesty is important. 

Extra Tips for Talking to Teenagers About Divorce

• It’s common for teenagers to experience emotions such as anger and confusion when learning about their parent’s divorce. Make sure you give them time and space to process what’s happening and give them time to form the questions they want to ask.
• Try to avoid negative comments about the child’s other parent.
• It’s possible that your teenager might tell you something you don’t want to hear. There may be resentment and frustration, but it’s important you accept these emotions and let your children know they’re within their right to feel these things.
• Think about how you would have liked to be spoken to about heavy and hard-hitting topics like divorce when you were a teenager. Jot down the type of phrases that would have been panicked or triggered by when you were the same age as your child, and then think about how you could have been consoled.